Last one folks, hope you’ve enjoyed my analyses on my picks and you’ve taken a nugget or 3 for your own drafts. My final draft occurred on 8/25
Team name: I say NAAAWWWNE, ok? Back afta dis….
So if you’re not into NY sports talk radio, you won’t know that’s a Mike Francesa reference. Or you make think that’s a Sour Shoes reference in which it can be but know that he’s goofing on Fatcesa. TURN MY MIC AWN!
And in this draft, I had pick #1. I fucking hate pick number 1 unless it’s a year where you have a NO-BRAINER #1 pick. I’m talking Ladanian Tomlinson, Marshall Faulk, or Jerry Rice, or Barry Sanders in their prime. Because there are multiple ways to fuck this pick up and you will make yourself sick trying NOT to screw it up. And you are waiting a LONG time in between picks so you are forced to sometimes to take a player that you wanted to wait on just a little while later but know that there’s no way they’re coming back. Or there may be a run on RBs or WRs and you feel the pressure to plug a spot.
1st Pick: I doubled down on Antonio Brown again because he’s the closest thing to one of those “no doubt” number ones.
2nd pick: LeSean McCoy: He owes me a season after his last mess with the Eagles. And as I mentioned above, there was a run on RBs so I felt I had to grab one now or get stuck with a Jeremy Langford/Frank Gore as a number 1 RB. He should bounce back and no more Karlos Williams to steal carries. A healthy Tyrod Taylor and Sammy Watkins will make this a pretty nice offense.
3rd pick: Keenan Allen: I could’ve tripled down on Amari Cooper but I’m leery of going in all in with a player in all 3 leagues. That guy gets injured and ka-plooey! Even though he’s only my #2 WR, I still didn’t want to gamble. Besides, Allen and Cooper are 6 and 1/2 dozen. Allen was CRUSHING it until he got a shot to the kidneys. He’ll be back with similar or even better numbers.
4th pick: Jarvis Landry: Couldn’t believe my eyes when this beaut fell into my lap. And there were some questionable picks this round: CJ Anderson (who never lives up to expectations) Eric Decker (too early for him) and Matt Forte (also a little early for an injury risk compounded with a crowded backfield). This makes it yet again, a SICK WR trio for my teams. He and OBJ have a bet to see who gets more yds and tds so that will definitely play into my favor…
5th pick: Jordan Reed: Also couldn’t believe my eyes that this guy was available. Experts had him going late 2nd-early 3rd. At the beginning of the 5th, I got INSANE value for him.
6th pick: Chris Ivory: You know why he’s on Jax? Because TJ Yeldon sucked. You know who’s already starting preseason games? Chris Ivory. And it’s not going to be 21-0 at the end of the first for Jax anymore, they’ve shored up their defense. So that means more running and not as much passing for the Pan Handle faithful…
7th pick: Ameer Abdullah: He must get harassed by TSA quite often with a name like that…Rough rookie year, fumbled all over the joint and was left behind. He’s starting this year again and let’s see if he holds onto the ball. Experts say 7th round was the right time so I pulled the trigger. Besides, he’s my #3 RB or flex so I’m not married to him by any stretch.
8th pick: Tom Brady: Yet again, the 8th round I get him and yet again, I get value for him. It’s going to pain me to root for a Patriot but remember: Cash moves everything around me, CREAM! Get the money, dolla dolla bill, y’all. I was looking to get Sterling Shepard this round but I got snaked 3 picks in front of me by a buddy who is a Giants fan.
9th pick: Torrey Smith: Yes, Colin Kapernick is his QB but shit, he’s the #1 WR on this team. And he’s my 4th WR, not married to him by any stretch. And I think Kapernick can’t sink any lower so it’s going to translate nicely for Smith.
10th pick: Devin Funchess: I think I reached just a little bit for him but my 2 picks I had queued up were snaked by the 2 guys drafting in front of me. I wanted Tajae Sharpe and/or Devontate Booker but like Grandmaster Flash said, “These…are…the breaks!” I think Funchess can be a nice #2 on that team but not married to this guy either.
11th pick: Bilal Powell: Matt Forte must have Obamacare as his insurance cause he can’t stay healthy. Bilal Powell is the next man up so….
12th pick: Joe Flacco: I wanted Tyler Boyd but he got snaked 2 picks before me. And Mariota went 4 before me, another guy in my queue. My backup QB and I know, he’s inconsistent as they come. Here are his first 4 games while Brady sits out for me: Home against Buffalo (decent D) @Cleveland (not scaring me one bit) @Jax (They’re better but let me know when they get there) Home against Oak (That D hasn’t been good in 15 years) And during Brady’s bye week, they face the Steelers. That game is either going to be 9-3 or they’re lighting up the scoreboard. One week, he’ll throw for 350 and 4 tds. The following week, he’ll throw for 125 yds and 4 picks. Just need him for a short time, not the whole year…
13th pick: DeAndre Washington: Does Latavius Murray scare anyone? (looking around) Nope, didn’t think so. So I’ll grab the guy that LM’s owner SHOULD’VE grabbed sooner
14th pick: Victor Cruuuuuuuuz. I had to have at least one Giant and had no problem taking a flier on my guy who salsa’ed his way into everyone’s heart. If he’s healthy and I know, that’s a big IF but he’s practiced all week, that offense will be fucking solid with OBJ, Shepard, and CRUUUUUZ.
15th pick: Mason Crosby: Fucked up and clicked the wrong guy in this spot. Broke my own rule! That cost me Will Fuller…
16th pick: Javorius Allan: Guess who had Justin Forsett last year? Guess who won’t get fooled again? NOT THAT I’M BITTER HAVING WASTED A 3RD RD PICK ON HIM. Well, I’ve learned my lesson.
17th pick: Rams D. They’re ball hawks despite losing Jenkins to my Giants. And if they suck, who cares? It’s a defense and they’re a dime a dozen. No one with brains wastes a pick above 2nd to last unless it’s the 85 bears, 00 Ravens, or the ’14 Seahawks.