Review of Star Wars: Rogue One (No spoilers)

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As I have said before, I like to see the schedule of films coming out and I’ll circle the ones I highly anticipate.  Usually, there about 4 per year that I get excited for and this was one of them.  However, being that Rogue 1 isn’t part of the original story, I was a little less excited for this as I was for Episode 7 last year.  Spinoff of the original tend to suck (Scorpion King, This is 40, X-Men Wolverine films are awful, and those god awful American Pie straight to DVD films) so I was slightly hesitant.  I also read that this is the first Star Wars film that John Williams wasn’t doing the score for.  John Williams is as integral to these films (Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Jaws, the list goes on) as pepperoni is to pizza.

The story takes place after Episode 3, Revenge of the Sith, when Hayden Christiansen thankfully slides into the lava after Obi-Wan slices his legs off.  I wish Obi-Wan used the force to give Hayden better acting lessons.  Felicity Jones plays Jyn Erso, whose father (Madds Mikelsen) was the architect behind the Death Star.  Young Jyn is hidden for years by Saw Gerrara (Forrest Whittaker) as the Imperials have been looking for her to ensure her father’s cooperation in the completion of the Death Star.  Jyn is freed by the Rebellion and thus begins her mission to steal the plans for the Death Star.

The new characters are instantly likable and you feel something for them all.  K2SO is the robot who embraces the newest comedic role. You’ll see a bunch of familiar faces from previous films, even some restored by CGI as their younger selves from Star Wars.  Some characters may take you a second to recall but when you do, a smile will cross your face.  And of course, Darth Vader makes several appearances in the film.  And without spoiling anything, his final scene is bad-assery at its finest. One of my complaints are they take you to several planets/moons all over the galaxy but you won’t need to remember them later on. I wish they showed you the Emperor in some capacity but no luck.  This film flows beautifully while weaving a fantastic tale.  It’s almost sad as we know the fate for most of these characters being that we’ve seen the 7 previous films.  Director Gareth Edwards ensures it ends with a flawless segue for Star Wars, Episode 4.

People ask me how I rank this amongst the other films but I really need to see this again to take it in.  I’m still processing everything but rest assured, it’s damn good.  If I were to give an early ranking, I put it after Empire and before 7.  Here’s the way I rank them as of now.  4, 6, 5, 3.5, 7, 3 (really good, people just hate the shit out of the 2nd trilogy), 2 (the last 1/3 is really good), 1 (an egregious piece of shit).

Movie review: Deadpool

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Here we are, Valentine’s Day weekend and what USUALLY comes out this weekend in the theaters are lazy romantic comedies (How to Be Single.  Can we just throw a saddle on Rebel Wilson already?) or sequels that no asked for (Zoolander 2.  My streak of not seeing Ben Stiller movies is intact since I wasted 90 minutes on that piece of donkey shit, Tower Heist.)  Thankfully, the prodigies at Marvel studios picked a perfect time to drop their first superhero film of the year (Captain America 3 and XMen Apocalypse come in April and May) and Marvel opens with a hit.  

For those of you who haven’t completely blocked Wolverine: Origins out of your minds yet, you’ll recall Ryan Reynolds was in that film, playing Deadpool.  You’ll also remember how that abortion of a film mutilated (pun intended) a perfectly good character and didn’t let Reynolds do the wisecrackin’ for more than 10 minutes until they literally sewed his mouth shut. Thankfully, writers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick let Reynolds do what he does best, crack wise while even shitting on Wolverine: Origins and Reynolds’s other shitbag superhero “effort”, the Green Lantern.  For those of you not familiar with Deadpool, think Van Wilder (Reynolds breakthrough film) who cuts off bad guys heads.  The self-deprecating humor works as does some of the other dick and fart joke material.  Hey, that’s the character!  Some film reviewers get tight assed about that and that’s why no one takes the majority of them seriously.  You mean to tell me nearly EVER 18th century period piece gets at least 3.5 stars out of 4?  No thanks, sometimes people just want to laugh and watch shit blow up.  

Obviously, this is the origin story and Reese and Wernick do a great job of telling it efficiently.  They also bring Colossus from the Xmen as well as Negasonic Teenage Warhead.  I had no idea who she is and apparently, she was short lived in the comic book.  I felt the addition of Colossus and NTW didn’t bring anything to the table; it felt like an obvious tie in for the future Xmen films.  So that’s pretty much it for any superhero crossover discussions.

What I liked:

Reynolds jokes are fucking hysterical, couldn’t tell you the last recent film (or even comedy) I LOLed that much.

The flow was perfect, everything wrapped up nicely in 100 minutes.

This is by FAR, the best Stan Lee cameo you’ll ever see.  Not even close

This is by FAR, the best Marvel end credit scene, EVER. 

What I didn’t like:

Probably the weakest villain in a superhero film I’ve ever seen.  He’s the consistent English bad guy you’ve seen in every action film, ever.  I’m not familiar with the Deadpool comic book and maybe this guy is the Joker or Magneto of Deadpool but if he is, snore.  No charisma, nothing remarkable at all.  

Gina Carano plays Angel Dust.  I had no idea who she was; she wasn’t explained at all except she’s strong.  Nothing substantial about her either…moving along.

The Colossus and NTW addition seemed like a good idea on paper but weren’t orchestrated properly.  It feels contrived and by the end, you don’t care when they show up in the final battle.

This is the first rated R Marvel studios film (the first rated R comic book film was Blade) and it deserves it.  Plenty of violence, cursing, and nudity…just what a growing boy or girl needs.  Congrats also go to TJ Miller for finally landing a role where I don’t want to punch him in the face.  

I totally dug Deadpool but I think it will rank 3rd of this year’s Marvel films.  And that’s not a shot at Deadpool, I just have super high expectations for Cap 3 (seriously, the trailer is fucking bonkers and Cap 2 was goddamn amazing) and XMen Apocalypse (trailer again is bonkers, Singer is directing again, and this is Marvel’s crown jewel for a reason.)

I give it a 7/10, it’s totally worth 15 bucks but no need for IMAX or 3D.  And drag your gf/wife to this because honestly, do you want to see Rebel Wilson clogging up a movie screen?  She’s just biding her time until Melissa McCarthy passes over the “annoying fat girl who farts/burps/says inappropriate things” crown.