NFL picks week 11

Ever get punched in the nuts so hard, kicked in the head, and then forced to watched Chris D’Elia’s standup? Yeah, that was me last week with my picks. You want to know how bad I was? 2-10-1 last week. That’s inconceivable. The Ravens and Steelers combined for 5 of those 10 losses. What a complete shit show this was and man, I was sick to my stomach for a few days. However, new week so goddamn, saddle up.

Joe Flacco starting today. Those words I wouldn’t expect to type unless this was when we had a black President in office. Jets defense has allowed 175 points in their last 4 and Dolphins blitz the most at 39% of the time. I don’t think Flacco can move his wheelchair that fast so get ready for a heavy dose of max protect for ol Joey. Jets have the 2nd worst run defense in the league but Dolphins have the NFL’s worst YPC rate at 2.5. If not now, when, for Myles Gaskin? Miami has covered 6 straight against the Jets but 1-5 ATS as a favorite. BUUUT the Dolphins are 6-0 ATS against the Jets and 6-1 SU. Jets 2-8 ATS and SU against Miami of late, 3-9 SU at home. I got this number earlier today at 3.5, now at 4. So here we go, 21-17!

Dolphins -3.5

Houston has been impossible to bet unless you tease them and even that has been a dubious proposition…kind of like dating someone who immediately offers up their pronouns in the first 2 seconds of meeting you. Hard pass, yuck. Texans 2-5 ATS of late and Tennessee 5-1 ATS of late. Tyrod will be back in there as QB for Texans and the last time he started and played a full game, Cooks had over 100 yds. Tenn pass defense is 27th in the NFL and I think Texans keep it close enough. Tennessee isn’t blowing anyone out without Henry and they sure let the Saints fuck up my bet late last week. Key number I got so I pounced on this earlier in the week.

Texans +10.5

Let’s see if Kirk Cousins unvaccinated mouth can kiss Aaron Rodgers supposed immunized lips and suck out his soul like Shang Tsung in Mortal Combat. GB has been a covering machine of late, 9-0 ATS and 4-2 ATS against Minn. Hell, they’re 5-0 ATS on the road. 8/9 Vikings/GB game have been decided by 7 or less. Good news on the Vikings front: raping and pillaging is up! JK, LOL ūüôā Patrick Peterson and Harrison Smith are back on defense for the Vikings. What’s scary is the Vikings are 1-7 ATS at home this year and 5-11 ATS of late. But they do cover as dogs and this is an absolute do or die game for the Vikes. Also, no Aaron Jones for GB today. Rodgers has a gimpy toe and let’s see if we can win this outright or just lose by a point.

Vikings +1.5

Saints are a dead nuts first half under and dead nuts second half over. I see Payton playing conservatively to open the game as well as doing his best to keep it close and mistake free for Simian. Believe it or not, you can now type those words without loading a weapon to put in your mouth as he’s played “well” of late.

Eagles 1h under 22.5

Eagles best rushing attack in last 3 weeks meets the best rush defense in the NFL. Saints allow league lowest 1.9 yards allowed for zone reads so that takes Philly out of its element. Best number I can find: Saints 4-0 ATS and 3-1 outright when they’re an underdog. Yes, I know there’s no Kamara and the line went up to 3 but hey, when you lock in early, you get burned sometimes. Let’s hope for an outright Saints win. Eagles have been beating on bad teams but losing to good ones. They’re 4-2 ATS of late but 5-13 SU in that period. Meaning they’re obviously better as the dog. Also, they’re 0-5 SU at home. Give me an excuse to root against Philly, sure, why the hell not.

Saints +2

All of the reasons above I like the Vikings and Kyler Murray is PROBABLY out for Zona as the line dropped to Sea -3. That screams inside information and glad I locked in this teaser earlier! See, things do work for you on the other side. Kyler Murray quickly becoming the guy you draft in fantasy and then take a solid backup 3-4 rounds later. Speaking of Kyler, did his parents mean to name him Kyler or did they want to name him Kyle but have that overbearing, annoying Long Island accent? Back afta dis. Zona just got embarrassed at home with Colt McCoy and if we get him again, YAHTZEE. Zona 6-2 ATS and 8-2 SU of late. They’re 5-0 ATS on the road and 5-1 ATS against Seattle. Russ Wilson got hosed on calls last week and was shut out for the first time in his career in GB.

Vikings +7.5 and Seattle +7.5

No Kyler makes this game even easier to pick under but some stats nonetheless. Seattle under 6/7 of late, 4/6 under against Seattle, 5/5 vs NFC opponent. Also, the under is 12-2 when Russ starts.

Az under 48

Lions have allowed 10 sacks in 2 games. Myles Garrett ALREADY has 13 sacks which is getting close to Strahan’s record so let’s hope he falls short of that distinction. Not that it mattered (except last week when the Lions TIED the Steelers and of course, I had the Steelers teased to 2.5) Goff is out and Boyle is in for the Lions. It’s supposed to pour in Cleveland so I grabbed under 43.5 a couple of days ago. It’s 42.5 at the time of this article so what does that tell you? Det has gone 6/7 under of late and the Browns have the distinct honor of going under 5/5 in week 11. Yeah, who gives a shit about that but hey, it’s information! Browns have gone 4/6 over of late but with a Baker banged up shoulder and impending (supposed) monsoon, except a lot of running and Detroit offensive ineptitude.

Browns under 43.5

4 team ML Parlay: Niners, Titans, Browns, Bucs

NFL Week 8 picks ATS

Hey everyone,

I’ve been lazy with the picks on the blog of late as I’m trying to force you to watch everyone’s favorite fantasy football/gambling show, Fantasy Football Jibber Jabber. ¬†Here’s the link to make it easy on you lunkheads:¬†FFJK FB page. ¬†And for the love of god, we need some help. ¬†We’re no longer with Be Terrific so we’re going to have to start funding everything out of our own pockets. ¬†So if you’d be so kind to take us up on our services such as we’ll do your daily fantasy lineup for you or give you access to my top plays of the week, that would help out with the expenses. ¬†For love of God, we have made you a TON of free money. ¬†You’d be doing us a solid; here’s the link to do so:¬†FFJJ Patreon

ATL is 0-5 SU and 0-5 ATS, 1-6 ATS.  1-4 ATS vs NFC and 3-7 SU in October.  Matt Ryan with limited practice all week after leaving the game early against an angry Seattle team who got curb stomped.  Sea 7-1 ATS on the road, 11-4 SU of late.  Cincy 1-4-1 vs the Rams, 0-9 SU on the road.  Rams 9-3 ATS and stayed in Georgia holding a minicamp and not going back west to have to fly over to London.

Sea in a teaser with the Rams.  Sea to -1 and Rams to -6

GB 2-6 SU and ATS against KC. ¬†2-4 SU in KC. ¬† Fun fact, Rodgers .500 ATS on the road. ¬†Andy Reid now has an 3 extra prep days.¬† Matt Moore 20-10 ATS as a starter. ¬†KC 12-5 SU at home and 5-2 SU of late. ¬†KC will run the ball at the awful GB run defense and keep the ball out of Rodgers’s hands.

KC +3.5

Explain to me how a backup QB is laying TWO TDs and I don’t care it’s at home. ¬†Miami 2-7 ATS of late, 0-9 SU of late. ¬†But they’re 4-2 ATS against Pitt, 1-4 SU in Pitt. ¬†Wayyyy too many points for Mason Rudolph who just came back from a Mortal Kombat fatality. ¬†Dolphins almost upset the Bills last week; they’re not lying down at all. ¬†Pitt has yet to score 27.¬† Home teams 18-21-2 home teams off a bye ¬†Fitzpatrick gets them fired up to cover.

Dolphins +14.5

 

 

Film Review: Ready Player 1

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There are between 1-3 films I have circled every year that I absolutely cannot wait to see. ¬†This year, it’s Avengers: Infinity War, Sicario 2 and Ready Player 1. ¬†One is an obvious superhero sequel, the other is a sequel to what should have been nominated for best picture. ¬†And that leaves Ready Player 1, which ¬†is one of my favorite books of all time. ¬†If you’re not familiar, you need to do so reallllly quickly. ¬†It’s the story of a Wade Watts (Tye Sheridan), a young man who along with millions of other of citizens, take on a challenge to find a digital “Easter Egg” in the OASIS. ¬†The OASIS is a VR world which is as real as you want to make it. ¬†The winner of the challenge presented by recently deceased creator of the OASIS, James Halladay (Mark Rylance), wins his fortune and control of the OASIS. And of course, there is an evil CEO, Nolan Sorrento, (Ben Mendelsohn) who will stop at nothing to control OASIS. Halladay is a Bill Gates type who grew up in the 80’s, addicted to video games and films from the time. ¬†All of his challenges have to do with both video games and films so turn the nostalgia factor on full blast. ¬†Steven Spielberg directs this film and who better to take us down that road.

Parzival was initially against “clanning”; which is nerd speak for others joining is eventually joined by lady crush, Artemis, ¬†ninjas Sho and Daito, and his best friend, Aech. ¬†They call themselves, “The Top 5,” and they all mesh together quite well and especially when their real identities are given.

There are an absolute shit load of references, characters, and nods to films/video game characters throughout. ¬†You’ll go crazy trying to keep track of whom and what you saw but I’ll give you a few: Goro from Mortal Kombat, Chun Li from Street Fighter, Freddy Krueger, Jason Vorhees, Robocop, the baby Alien, and even caught a Jack Slater from Last Action Hero reference. ¬†Wade Watts’s OASIS character, Parzival, even drives the DeLorean from Back to the Future with the KITT from Knight Rider lights in the front. ¬†Movie nerds and video game nerds, rejoice. ¬†Scoring the film are 2 juggernauts from the 80’s, John Williams (if I need you to tell you what films he’s worked on, deport yourself) and Alan Silvestri (Back to the Future trilogy). ¬†And you’re going to hear a TON of nods from their previous films in the score. ¬†And you will smile.

So let’s do the eventual annoying “book to film” comparison. ¬†The book was amazing because Wade had to play Joust with one of the guardians for the keys. ¬†Wade also had to do “film syncs” ¬†scenes from War Games and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. ¬†In the film, they don’t do either. ¬†The first challenge is a race, the second is a scene within, “The Shining.” And the third is playing, “Adventure” on Atari. ¬†I wish that Spielberg would’ve chosen different challenges, including doing the film syncs. ¬†I know that would’ve brought the same charm and allure that the book brought. ¬†My other biggest complaint is that one of the¬†“Top 5” die in the book but Spielberg pulls the typical “everything ending is a happy one.” ¬†Spielberg kept a ton of the book’s integrity (also noted that RP1 writer Ernest Cline did co-write the screenplay) by tweaking a few things,¬†like the Zemeckis cube.

This film is good and you will get sucked into it without question.  The ongoing references and nods within the score will always keep an ear to ear grin.  But those 2 omissions are glaring ones and major points are deducted for such.  Otherwise, it keeps close to the book and Spielberg does his best work in over a decade.  It will also be the perfect excuse to get your kids researching the great films and games I/we grew up on.

The book is a 10, the film is a 7.

NFL Wild Card Weekend 2018 Picks ATS

5-2 last week so back on the winning track for your favorite handicapper. ¬†Wish I would’ve taken my own advice and added on the Bengals and Cardinals. ¬†It’s the perfect weekend to watch the games as it’s pretty goddamn cold with this cyclone bomb at hand. ¬†Cyclone Bomb sounds like a finishing move in Mortal Kombat or a perfect description when I ate a piece of uncooked chicken last week. ¬†Last year, Wild Card weekend was crazy as all the favorites covered. ¬†Will the same occur this year? ¬†Let’s see:

Kansas City hosts Tennessee, who has looked very unremarkable the past few weeks. ¬†Tennessee is 5-12-5 ATS on the road but 5-1 in KC. ¬†KC has seemed to get their offense together while the Titans offense has been as lively as another Tennessee legend, Pat Summit. ¬†Hint: she’s dead. ¬†No DeMarco Murray but that doesn’t matter because he’s been awful. ¬†9 is a lot of points and Alex Smith SHOULD be able to cover this. ¬†Let’s all reminisce how Alex Smith was the first overall pick and selected before…Aaron Rodgers. ¬†Ok, memory break over. ¬†I do not have an idea where to go team wise but I sure have made a lot of money betting on the Chiefs under at home. ¬†Titans have gone under in 4/6 as well as 4/6 on the road. ¬†KC has going under 6/8 and and 5/6 at home. ¬†That’s all the info I need to

Take KC under 45

Buffalo squeaked in because the Ravens 4th quarter defense disappeared like Philadelphia teams during a championship parade. ¬†Shady McCoy has been upgraded to probable so he’s pretty much a go. ¬†Do I trust Buffalo on the road with no WR? ¬†No. ¬†Do I trust Blake Bortles who of late, has been not good. ¬†And now he’s home in the first playoff game for the Jaguars since I was in college. ¬†Playing Goldeneye. ¬†Womanizing. ¬†Playing Beer Pong. ¬†Sigh, those were the days. ¬†This under is quite low, 39.5 ¬†But I am going to try some different logic. ¬†The Jags will be running the ball as that’s what they’re good at and the Bills run defense is not. ¬†The Bills will be running because the Jags run D isn’t so hot either. ¬†I think Doug Marrone will want to make keep a leash on Bortles and give him the chance to turn the ball over early. ¬†I think both teams come out conservatively so I went and took…

First half Jacksonville under 19.5

Lastly, my lock of the week. ¬†If you’ve consistently read this column, thanks to all 23 of you. ¬†And you’ll know that I love the Saints at home. ¬†You know what I love even more than the Saints at home? ¬†Blowjobs, duh. ¬†And a ton of Denise Richards naked photos circa 1997. ¬†Also, I love the Saints over at home. ¬†Saints are 15/21 over at home. ¬†And when the Saints play Carolina, the over hits 6/7. ¬†Also, when the Saints play Carolina at home, the over hits 6/7. ¬†Carolina is 5/7 in hitting the over. ¬†The Saints hung 30+ on Carolina both times they played them. ¬†I would take the Saints if it got down to 6.5 but for now, I LOVE….

The Saints over 48.5