Film Reviews: Bloodshot and the Hunt

God, NOTHING puts a smile on one’s face than going to a movie theater and seeing few or NO one in a theater.  Corona virus=empty movie theaters.  There was NO ONE in the theater for the Hunt with me.  And just 2 people besides be for Bloodshot, euphoria.  Since the NFL season is over and baseball is suspended, I might as well gamble on my health.  The early reviews on Bloodshot and the Hunt were good so I said, what the hell.  Time to douse my seat and popcorn in Purell and do a double dip.

bloodshot

Bloodshot starring Vin Diesel (The Pacifier and the Last Witch Hunter) as a Green Beret, gets killed with his wife, resurrected, and gets fitted with nanotechnology.  Guy Pearce (Count of Monte Cristo) plays the scientist in charge of bringing him and other fallen soldiers back with robotics and enhancements.  Vin’s hell bent on revenge for his wife as much as we’re seeking the same revenge for the last 3 Fast and Furious films.  Folks, they’re bad.  Just admit it.  Well guess what, Vin keeps doing a Groundhog Day of seeking his wife’s killer but with different people as the killer.

I’ll save you time for the reveal, GUY PEARCE IS NOT A GOOD GUY.  He keeps one of his henchwomen, (Elza Gonazalez, an absolute smoke show) attached to an electronic asphyxiating governor.  He keeps recreating the scenarios where Vin Diesel’s wife is killed via an internet web base wired into Diesel’s head.

Here are the problems with this film:

  1. The dialogue is beyond atrocious.  Lazy dick jokes that are more flaccid than Kevin Spacey watching Christina Hendricks jump on a trampoline.
  2. We’ve seen this film before: Universal Soldier, Robocop, Inspector Gadget, Short Circuit.  Just seeing if you’re paying attention.  How does this differentiate itself?  Great action sequences?  No.  Memorable characters?  Barely.  Anything unique in this plot than the other films mentioned?  Only Vin Diesel grunting and Grooting his way through this dirty needle landfill.
  3. I almost walked out of this.  Only reason I didn’t is how was I hoped the final battle would’ve been worth it.  Not only it wasn’t, it was a negative effect on me.  As in, I should’ve walked out before the end and I would’ve had a higher opinion of this film.

There are many other problems with this film but I don’t feel like getting into them here as this film deserves as little real estate in our minds or this column.  This film stinks.  The trailer sucked me in with promises of a different cyborg story but left me worse for wear.  The action was pedestrian, the script was horrendous, and the characters were downright awful.  Quarantine is a fate better than this; avoid this like a soccer stadium full of Corona virus sufferers.

Bloodshot gets a 1.5/10 and I don’t know why I still didn’t walk out.

the hunt

The Hunt is not about the WASP-y horse race in Far Hills, NJ but if it was, I would only hope it showed the guy with a baby arm who chased down a guy who swiped a bottle from our bar.  That was high comedy and a definitely, “you had to be there moment.”  The Hunt is about a group of liberal minded people kidnapping those who are conservatives.  That’s right, hunted.  As in released in an open field with a crate of weapons to chose from and then avoid bullets, arrows, land mines, and people trying to hoard toilet paper.  Get ready for a cast of  “Isn’t that the guy from It’s Always Sunny” and “Holy shit, Uncle Buck’s girlfriend really aged poorly or that’s a hell of a makeup job” and, “Wow, Hilary Swank has 2 Oscars but she needs the money THIS badly?”

I went into this with zero expectations and enjoyed it because of such.  This isn’t torture porn like Saw was nor does it have the intricacies that the first Saw film had.  It can be obviously predictable at times and a couple of minor yet fun twists with Crystal, a bad ass woman from Mississippi who may not be who people think she is.

The Hunt was pushed from last September to March because of political ramifications.  Why?  The already politically charged climate we live in may have been sent to a stratospheric level if this came out, loosely proposed by Trump’s camp.  After seeing this film, will it send those to round up people they disagree with to hunt down?  Hopefully this isn’t a copycat issue like Natural Born Killers was.

90 minutes later and you’re out of the theater no muss, no fuss.  It’s an enjoyable romp with some good satire and some decent action.  You don’t need to drop $15 on it but solid netflix for sure.

I give the Hunt a 6/10

 

 

Film Review: Logan Lucky

Logan-Lucky-poster

After doing some quick math, I think I saw double the number of films this summer vs last year’s garbage dump of cinematic “attempts.”  Logan Lucky is going to wrap up this crop of summer’s films and then it’s time to get ready for the usual onslaught of awful films from September-Thanksgiving.  However, I can see 2 early exceptions to this rule: Stephen King’s IT (that clown looks scarier than the Jets chances of making the playoffs) as well as the sequel for the Kingsmen.  If you haven’t seen the first Kingsmen film, do so.  It’s insanely well done and director Matthew Vaughn RARELY misses (see Wanted with Angelina Jolie as said exception.)  Anyway, on to Lucky Logan.

I must have missed the memo but apparently, Steven Soderbergh went into retirement for a little while but now he’s re-emerged with the hillbilly version of Ocean’s 11, Logan Lucky.  Soderbergh recasts one of his usual suspects, Channing Tatum, to play Jimmy Logan, a West Virginia good ol boy who just lost his job and comes up with a scheme to rob the Charlotte motor speedway.  Joining him is his one handed, bartender brother, Clyde, (Adam Driver who needs to wear his Kylo Ren mask wherever he goes, he’s one ugly dude) and his hairdresser sister Mellie (Riley Kelough).  Katie Holmes plays Jimmy’s ex wife with whom he’s constantly battling over their beauty pageant daughter.  I must say, she hasn’t aged well.  Watch an underrated film called, Go, from 1999 and you’ll see what I’m talking about.  Although my vote for scene stealer goes to Daniel Craig who plays Joe Bang, a demolition expert that’s current locked up in the hoosegow.  He’s hilarious and you can see him having fun with this character and accent.

This film has a slight “Dukes of Hazard” feel to it with the Yee-hah, state fair, NASCAR lovin’ country folk.  The only thing missing was a Trump reference but thankfully, Soderbergh doesn’t go down Stereotype Boulevard with that.  And just like Ocean’s 11, there’s a crew involved.  But the differences start here because I felt myself more attached to the Ocean’s crew than the Logan group.  It’s not that the characters do anything to inspire the audience hatred, I just didn’t smile as much or wanted to see or hear more of their characters.  If you’ve seen any of the Ocean’s films, Soderbergh uses his usual visual and musical clues for the audience to make sure that they pay attention to said clues.  He also put it best in an interview: this is a crew using “rubber band technology” as opposed to Clooney’s group having state of the art gadgets.  That does fit this group more soundly as it would be weird with a Boss Hog type using lasers to cut through glass.

The critics are loving the bejesus out of this film but I wasn’t as on board with their praise.  I felt the payoff in the end didn’t pack as powerful as a punch as it could have.  Hillary Swank comes in late as an FBI investigator and I felt she really didn’t add anything to the film.  Was this film fine?  Yes.  Is it as good as the reviews are?  No.  Should you pay $15 bucks for it?  Up to you but I’ll bet you’ll walk out saying, “Not bad, not great either.”

I give it a 6/10