As I’ve said before, this summer for films BLOW. I’ll wait for Sausage Party, Suicide Squad, and Jason Bourne to hit video or stream online. Same for Hands of Stone or Don’t Breathe. I’m so glad Ben Hur failed miserably as Hollywood MUST be getting the memo that we’re SICK of rebooting good films. So let’s talk Fantasy Football which we’re right in the midst of draft time.
I do 3 drafts a year and all my friends know, I draft best available player. I’m also a fan of value, nothing better than getting a solid player later than a round or 2 later than he was expected to go. So I’ll share with you my teams and we can cheer/mock my picks:
League 1. Team Name: Hope Solo’s Goop Chute. If you don’t get that reference, google Hope Solo naked selfies. And make sure you aren’t eating at that time.
I had the 3rd pick overall and went with my boy OBJ. He’s gonna crush it as the Giants have the best schedule against poorly ranked CBs.
2nd rd: Mark Ingram. He’s the Saints guy now and Drew Brees can’t throw 80 times a game.
3rd rd: Amari Cooper. Oak as the 2nd best schedule against poorly ranked CBs.
4th rd: Denarius Thomas. Don’t care they don’t have a QB, whomever is at the helm will do their damnedest to get him the ball. And he’s my THIRD WR. Wow…
5th rd: Dion Lewis. Drafted him 6 hours before the news came down he’s going to be out 10 weeks…oops
6th rd: Donte Moncrief. TY Hilton is not Reggie Wayne nor Marvin Harrison. Nice 4th WR/Flex
7th rd: Frank Gore. Yes, a bit of a gamble as he’s 34. But he’s VERY durable and he’s my number 2 back. If he gets me 7 TDs on the season, mission accomplished.
8th rd: Tom Brady. Goddamnit, I hate the Patriots. But he’s going to be in full, “Fuck you” Or “Bobby Bowden mid-late 90’s Florida State running up the score” Mode. I’m getting great value for him here. I’m missing 4 games (5 with the bye) with Brady so all I have to do is get to week 4 at least 2-2 and I’ll be good to go.
9th rd: Danny Woodhead. Did you you see Melvin Gordon last year? I did because I had that shitsipper. Here’s me snaking the guy who took Melvin Gordon
10th rd: Willie Snead. If you missed it, Drew Brees throws…a lot. I know he spreads it around but he’s my 5th WR and he can easily get 6 TDs this year. The problem will be he’ll get 3 of them in 1 week while he’s on my bench.
11th rd: Travis Benjamin: Phillip Rivers doesn’t win Superbowls but he sure throws it a lot. It’s nice to have a #2 WR on a team that airs it out…
12th rd: Sammie Coates: Crushing it in training camp and will boot Markus Wheaton out of the #2 WR role.
13th Rd: Bilal Powell. Matt Forte is old and banged up. Not saying Powell is the answer but he sure is a nice bye week fill-in.
14th rd: Devontae Booker. Love this pick as CJ Anderson BLOWS. Ronnie Hillman took away a ton of his carries and Booker has almost usurped Hillman on the depth chart.
15th rd: RG3. Go ahead and laugh. But I’m not and here’s why. Like I said, I need him for the first 4 weeks and a bye week. Here’s Griffin’s first 4 games: @Philly (garbage defense), Home Baltimore (not a great D), @Miami (garbage defense), and @washington (Garbage defense and let’s not forget the “revenge against the team who cut them” factor.
16th rd: Dwayne Allen. The rule of thumb when drafting a TE is if you don’t get a top tiered one like Gronk, Olsen, Reed, or Kelce…you wait. And wait I did. No Coby Fleener so no more sharing catches.
17th rd: Lions D. My last 2 picks will ALWAYS be kicker and defense…except last night where I clicked the wrong guy and drafted a kicker in the 3rd to last rd.
18th rd: Mike Nugent.
And there you have it so comment away on my draft. I think my only notable weakness it my number 2 RB but then again, not many people have 2 solid RBs. I do have 3 NASTY WRs and a solid bench. You can make the case that until I get Brady back, QB is weak too. I’ll buy that…I’LL BUY THAT. But I think RG3 answers all the naysayers and is at LEAST competitive. If not, start looking for a string of RG3 car washes in the Cleveland/DC Metro/Baylor areas….