The NFL is by far the hardest league to consistently pick winners. The best handicappers are 55% and your boy is currently 54% for the year. Who the fuck would’ve thought Denver would’ve lost OUTRIGHT to the Giants? That screwed a ZILLION people (hand in the air) in their suicide pools. And who would’ve even contemplated the Falcons would lost OUTRIGHT to the Dolphins. At home. After a bye? Jesus H Christ, this gets zany. Oh wait, let’s talk about this past Thursday’s Oak/KC game? Chiefs laying 3 but the Raiders drive the field late. Raiders on the 1 and then get called for pass interference, back em up 10 more yards. Time for just one more play and what happens next is just stupid: Carr throws incomplete but hold on, defensive holding. Can’t end the game on a defensive penalty so here we go again. Another incomplete pass but deja vu inserts itself with ANOTHER KC defensive holding penalty. Carr gets one last shot at redemption and the third time is the charm as he finds Crabtree for the TD. Point after is good, Oakland wins by 1. If you had KC (I had the under, that shit was toast by the middle of the 3rd quarter), you developed an ulcer. If you had the Raiders, you must have been balls deep in a leprechaun while Kate Upton motorboated you at the same time. And if you plan on motor boating Kate, do it soon as she’s going to hit the wall in about 3-5 years. She has Anna Nicole Smith part 2 written all over her.
3-3 last week so a push for the week sans the vigs. As I mentioned, I took the Oak under and lost so it puts me at 0-1 this week. Let’s right this ship with some winners.
Can you make an argument how the Colts can win or cover 3 against the Jags. Me neither and that’s why I really like Jacksonville in Indy this week. Fournette hasn’t practiced all week but they’re saying he still may go. And even if he doesn’t, I’m still confident that D can shut down the Dolts. Ivory is very capable of gashing that awful defense. Some numbers to back up my statement, sure. Jax is 6-3 ATS in their last 9, 5-1 on the road, and 4-1 ATS vs Indy. Sound good? I think so too.
I like the Jaguars -3
Deshone Kizer is back behind center. I think Cleveland has had more quarterbacks in the last 20 years than Jenna Jameson has taken dicks on camera. Cleveland has put up over 20 ONE time this year. Tennessee has put up over 20 3/6 times this year. Cleveland has a pretty good defense. Can you see this game 24-21? Best case scenario, which is great because the under is 46. And let’s end this handicap with one last statement. Cleveland has gone under at home the last 5/5. Good enough for me…
To take the under 46
One of the bets I didn’t put in that I should have was taking the Bears getting 6 against the dumpster fire Ravens. Those same Ravens now travel to Minnesota who admittedly are a bit banged up on WR. Diggs is out and Michael Floyd left early in last week’s game. But the Vikings have a rock solid D and (Mike Francesa voice), “Let’s be honest, ok? I’d ratha see the new Madea Halloween movie than trust Joe Flacco on the road, ok? Here’s da Mink Man, back afta dis.” Balt 3-7 ATS out of their last 10 and Minn 4-1 ATS at home. Sometimes the best bets are the ones that require the least amount of thought.
Take the Vikings -5.5
Green Bay plays at home against the Saints who have been lighting it up when it comes to the over, home or away. GB has also been a lock for the over at home. But let’s bring up 3 facts: The Saints have an improved (could it have gotten worse?) defense. I mean, we’re still used to see a Saints defense getting exposed like a freshman sorority girl, begging for beads on Bourbon Street. They gave up 38 last week but 2 of which were a pick or ST TD. The previous week, they held the Panthers to 13. But 2 weeks before, they shut out Miami (NBD, I get it). Next which is the obvious, no Aaron Rodgers. And finally, the forecast calls for a good amount of rain leading into game time. Is Brett Hundley going to put points up? In the rain? Against an average defense? He did throw 3 in Minn last week. I’m going to monitor this one solely based on the weather and IF the rain does indeed come through, I’m taking.
GB under 47
I like mixing up routines, vacation spots, and when I was single, women. But now the few constants I love are steak, teams that stick to their trends, and winning free money from said trends. That being said, let’s investigate another routine which I exploited a couple of weeks ago with the Jags. The Rams have been to London several times already. They stayed in Florida this week to prep for their trip across the pond. They had some great fluky TDs against the Jags last week (one of my winners) and now they’re 3.5 point favorites against the Cardinals. Cards just blew the doors off of an awful Bucs D and Jameis Winston’s shoulder. They brought in the smartest (on paper) QB, Fitzpatrick, who is everyone’s favorite guy to bet against and he actually cut the lead down with the help of a pick 6. But the Bucs lost (one of my losers) so the Cards got off the schneid. I barely trust Carson Palmer and if you think I trust him when his body clock is 8 hours off schedule, you’re insane. This game gets ugly, like the Brits’ smiles and food creations.
Take the Rams -3.5
AFC Central matchup this week, Bengals vs Steelers. Or as I call it, two towns of women that resemble a grilled cheese sandwich with Rosie O Donnell’s face. Bengals off the bye and the Steelers are home after stealing one in Kansas City with an amazing circus TD catch and run for Antonio Brown. The line is MUCH too high for a division game, as these games are usually decided by a FG. The history is against Cincy in Pitt but 5.5 is just too much; especially since the Bengals have gotten their shit together recently offensively as well as always having a decent D. And I’m also quite inclined to take the under as Cincy/Pitt have been so 7/8 last times in Pitt. Cincy also has been under 5/6 on the road. But I’m waiting to see till tomorrow (this article was written on Saturday night) how that line moves. However, I’ve already locked in…
Cincy +5.5
Here are a few games that I’m debating about taking tomorrow but seeing how the line moves:
Pitt under, SF, Denver, Pats and over,
Kevin Gootee 