Sorry for no column last weekend, I had an insanely packed Saturday with the Comics Watching Comics taping on Saturday while family came up for a belated birfday celebration on Sunday. But if you follow me and my cookie eating machine (She ate a CWC cookie last week), you’ll see that I killed it! I hit Tenn over on Thursday night to start off the week with an easy win as that was clinched in the 3rd quarter. I hit Philly, Baltimore, Minnesota and the under, and the Saints over. I lost KC (fucking Giants dicked me again when getting double digits), SD under (Peterman throwing FIVE picks didn’t help), and the Houston under. I also hit the Seattle over on monday night, giving me a SOLID 7-3 record last week. I took SD under on Thanksgiving and nailed that one with ease so we’re starting off the week 1-0. Hot hand in the dice game, baby doll! Talk about 6 hours straight! Clickety, clickety, clack! Now name that reference.
I missed definitely 1, even 2 bets last week. I should’ve went with the Pats and the under like my gut said to because the Pats stayed in Denver to maintain the high elevation conditions to prep for Mexico City. And by prepping for conditions, I mean put your money in your shoes and carrying a burner cell phone. I knew the Raiders weren’t doing that and boy, did it show. But I like to bet trends and here are a few for you: The Pats are 5/7 covering the overs at home. The Pats are 4/6 covering the overs when playing Miami. And Miami is perfect in the over department in their last 5. Matt Moore will be chasing points like Kevin Spacey chasing nerd boys in a Gamestop. 48 is an easy number for both teams to hit.
Take the Pats over 48
Pittsburgh has 10 days to prepare for the DOA Green Bay Packers. This game SHOULD be out of hand early and this number is so low that Pitt may be able to cover it themselves. For the last month and change, the Packers D has given up 20+ points in all but one game. The only question is can GB score enough points as in that same timeframe as they’ve put up 20+ points…one time. They’ve also been shut out once in that span (Lock of the week last week was Baltimore folks but then again, if you follow me on FB, you know that). GB has hit the over on the road 7/8. Pitt though, has hit the under 8/10. GB women are 0/10 when it comes to hitting the under of 215 lbs. I just think 43 is too low and GB will be chasing points late. Can you see Pitt winning this 35-10? I can. And if so, that’s a winner.
Take GB over 43
Jacksonville got one of the luckiest covers last week against the Browns when they stripped the ball from Kizer late and ran it in for a DTD. The last time Cleveland had their hearts ripped out of them like this was the previous Sunday. And the Sunday before that. And the Sunday before that. Jacksonville is 9-4 ATS and 7-1 on the road. Now they fly to sunny Arizona where the only thing the Cardinals fans have to look forward to is ASU sorority girls on a scavenger hunt during pledge season. AZ is 2-7-1 out of their last 10 and 1-3-1 at home. What’s Jacksonville’s biggest weakness? Run D. And who is the biggest “threat” on AZ? Old ass Adrian Peterson who aside from one stellar week has done less than SNL writers writing something else besides a Trump joke. Acquiring Marcel Darius was the best thing for Jax as the yds per carry for opposing RBs has drastically dropped since Buffalo gave him away like a cuckholded husband gives away his wife. And remember, BLAINE GABBERT IS THE QUARTERBACK. No way that top tiered Jax pass D lets up anything in the air. Especially from a guy named Blaine.
You’ll thank me when you take the Jags -5
The battle of bad accents, bad fashion, and bad driving (Ohio) is this weekend and the winner is truly the loser because it’s Ohio. Cleveland ALMOST covered for a bunch of you but then went full Cleveland Steamer when they fumbled and Jax returns that fumble for a TD. But Cincy has been a covering machine of late: 16 points over margin over their last 6 games as well as 6-0 ATS. Cincy 5-0 ATS vs Cleveland. Browns are 1-8 ATS and 0-4-1 on the road. I know 7.5 is a tricky number but this game can easily be 20-10.
The Bengals continue to make the Browns scratching their heads and counting down until Josh Gordon returns, take Cincy -7.5
After watching Seattle’s hopes get crushed by a late FG attempt falling short on monday night, I think they’re done. Their defense looks more trampled than Tera Patrick’s pussy. A short work week, ZERO running game, and now they’re on the road in SF. The Niners are fresh off a bye and have a little pep in their step after destroying the Giants 2 weeks ago. The Seahawks beat the Niners with a late FG to win 12-9 in SEATTLE. What makes me think they’re gonna do it on the road? Nothing. “DEAD MAN WALKING!”
Take the NAWWWNERS +6.5