Week 13 ATS

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4-2 last week and the bookie felt my WRATH!  I took Dallas on Thursday night -3 and NOTHING worse when you bet a team you hate wins but doesn’t cover.  Fuck Dallas and fuck all those bandwagon fans who have emerged from the woodwork.  

I know I’m posting this at 4:10 but I posted a video of my picks but allow me to reiterate what I’ve selected.

The Patriots are banged up.  Gronk will have to wait to dance shirtless again until a few months.  Brady is a little banged up.  But who’s kidding who?  The Rams are trash, especially on the road.  Pats are back home and they haven’t beaten a team an inch within their life today.  13.5 is a lot of points so that’s why…

I’m taking the under 44

Green Bay showed us something.  They showed me that I shouldn’t take the dirtbag, white trash Eagles against them.  So who comes into GB this weekend?  A blizzard.  And oh yeah, Brock Osweiller.  Yuck.  I’d rather have Brock Lesnar.  Aaron Rodgers owns December.  And Brock Osweiller is the biggest mistake in Houston made since letting Carlos Beltran walk.  Osweiller stinks in 74 degrees in a dome, what do you think he’s gonna do in a blizzard at GB.  So I’m taking:

Green Bay -6.5 and the under 45.  

The Bears are goddamn awful.  Matt Barkley is their QB now that the Jay “Ballerina” Cutler is out.  I’d rather have either Barkley the dog from Sesame Street or Charles Barkley as my QB.  So is Colin Kapernick comes into town with his Oscar Gamble ‘fro.  You know what else comes into town?  Another blizzard.  I’ll take the weather against a 3rd stringer any day of the week.  

I’m taking the under 43.5

The Saints opened at -5, it go to -7 by kickoff.  The public bought into the Saints hook, line, and seeker after they demolished the hapless Rams.  Does that mean I’m onto the Saints because they are home?  Nope.  Lions are not wilting like they’ve been known to for the last 20 years.  This D is good and 7 is wayyyy too many points.  

I’m taking the Lions +7

The Raiders are amazing but not at home.  Buffalo has been able to put up points and the Oakland D is still suspect.  LeSean McCoy should have a field day today.  Oakland obviously puts up points.  I meant to take the over 49 but I fucked my text up so apparently, I now have…

Bills +3.  Hopefully I don’t get screwed but feel free to take the over, lord knows I wanted to.

And here’s my lock of the week:

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I don’t care that TB shut down the Seattle offense.  I do care that TB stinks ATS.  I also care that the SD D can’t stop Honey Boo Boo and her white trash consortium.  Timely reference…if this was 2010 but who cares, you get the gist.  Here’s what I do care about: The last 5 times TB has played SD, they hit the over.  The last 5 games SD has played, they hit the over 4/5 times.  I’m a man of averages so…

I’m taking the Chargers over 49 points. 

 

 

 

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