I feel like Tony Montana after he had that Mt Rainier of cocaine on his desk. I feel like Eli Manning after he threw the fade to Plaxico in the first Super Bowl against the cheating, shitbag Pats. I feel like Eli Manning when he perfectly dropped that ball in Mario Manningham’s basket in the 2nd Superbowl on his way to beating the cheating, shitbag Pats in the second Superbowl. I feel like Derek Jeter after the flip play against the A’s in 2001. I am KILLING it with the picks. 6-1 last week and 2-0 on Thanksgiving. Not a bad way to enjoy the holiday. Now if I could only get my hands on a NES classic or 4 so I can sell them for 200 bucks on Ebay. Let’s talk picks:
Already hit Pitt -8 and Wash +7
San Diego does nothing but put up points. San Diego does nothing but give up points. Houston is home after getting screwed on monday night (Well, not according to me. I had Oak -6.5 monday night so I felt just fine, thank you.) I think both teams can easily put up in the 20’s making this an easy pick.
I’m taking SD over 46.5
Baltimore has a top 10 defense. Cincinnatti has lost AJ Green and Giovanni Bernard which is 86% of their offense. I pulled that number out of my ass but honestly, you would’ve bought that. Baltimore is due for a win, they’re at home, and a wounded tiger may be quite dangerous but not when it’s missing 2 legs.
I’m taking the Ravens -3.5
Trusting Atlanta to cover is like accepting a condom from a pledge in a fraternity. You know the fucker poked holes in them so you really can’t trust them. But I’m not trusting the Falcon’s defense to hold anyone. I’m trusting both teams to score points. Atl off a bye and AZ can score against that putrid D. Atl stink ATS at home so that’s why I’m shying away from ATL -6. So…
I’m taking ATL over 50.5
The Pats are human. They pushed with the Niners and Seattle gashed their D. This team obviously is in the hands of Tom Brady. Did I mention he has a gimpy knee? It’s probably from when Giselle kicked him after he kept pulling away carrots and sugar cubes from her. Boom! Gronk is in but also banged up. Let’s add that with the Jets do play them tight at home. I know, trust Ryan Fitzpatrick? Fucking crazy, I get it. But the number is right and the Pats are susceptible now
The Packers are done, mentally and physically. Aaron Rodgers isn’t the same. Their secondary is worse than any Wes Anderson film. That’s right, I said it. That man is horrifically overrated and the hipsters place him in dead center of their alter. The Eagles are undefeated ATS at home and after a thorough beating in Seattle and if Doug Pederson stops going for it on 4th down, they’ll cover this one easily.
I’m taking Philly -3
Kevin Gootee 